Comments to Never Make to a Single Mom

I know we've all done it, I may have ignorantly made a comment under my breath as a youngster about how a parent couldn't handle their screaming child[ren] at the supermarket check out. I am now that parent. Our daily life tasks and to-do lists are difficult enough with kids yet we seemingly have to deal with ignorant comments from people that don't know or are unable to comprehend our actual struggles. Here are just a few that irk me:

1. The "oh my god my child will NEVER act like that in public!" I apologize for the fact that my child refused to take his nap today and decided to unleash his inner Emily Rose in aisle 2, but I also apologize for wishing inevitable karma on you as well. #sorrynotsorry

2. "I would never let my child talk to me that way!" Yes on occasion my 3 year old says shut up before he can catch himself. He also now thinks the biggest insult he can yell at me is "STOP IT MOMMY YOU'RE BEING WEIRD!" I'm a firm believer in spanking and other forms of reprimand however when your child has ADHD the way you react to impulsive behavior differs from a normal child's. In the end, it was handled.

3. "Don't worry, you'll meet a nice guy someday." Did I have a look of loneliness and misery written all over my face or something? It was probably from the 4 hours of sleep I got after my double shift and my toddler waking me up to red lipstick all over the living room carpet at 6 am. The last thing I need is to be raising is TWO male children. Thank you.

4. "Where is the child's father again?" If you're rude enough of a person to even ask this question you'd better prepare for the rude response I will unleash.

5. "Can't you just make him/her stop crying/screaming?" You're obviously not a parent so I'll just leave it at that.

6. "Why can't you just get a sitter?" This ones my favorite. I think single, non parents think it's the easiest thing in the world to just dial up a young teen with no life to drop their math homework to come relieve you for a night out on the town. I can't even always find someone to watch my son for me to go to work let alone anything else. So don't be alarmed when we snap at you with some sarcastic comment after RSVP'ing a 'no' to girls night. 

Sure I could come up with more but other than my anxiety levels that are already rising, what would be the fun in that? 😉 

Just remember - everyone's children are unique and some are dealing with unique instances. Not every parent believes in punishment. Some have kids with ADD, ADHD, Autism and others. So before you try and throw in your two cents, just remember you're not in our shoes. You may have been in the single mom shoes before but not with our specific child or children. So be gracious and be polite. 

Sincerely,

A Single Mom Thats Tired of Rude People

Depression Awareness Month

I saw a picture with a quote about depression on it the other day that really hit close to home. It said "The bravest thing I ever did was continuing my life when I wanted to die". Who knew that I would then find out it's also Depression Awareness Month? 

For those of you that don't actually know me (and those that think you do this may still come as a surprise) I have battled depression since I was 13. I can't exactly pinpoint a date or event in my life that triggered "becoming depressed", because that's just it. People think it's always a sad event in ones life or maybe just someone going through a hard time that leads to "depression" or what others believe depression is. Depression is such a vast term yet all of us going through it can really connect on the similarities. If you look up depression in a dictionary it can give you some odd definitions. It took me reading through the first couple definitions to find the one I'm talking about: Depression: a psychoneurotic or psychotic disorder marked especially by sadness, inactivity, difficulty in thinking and concentration, a significant increase or decrease in appetite and time spent sleeping, feelings of dejection and hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal tendencies. 

I get disgusted hearing and seeing posts on social networks being debated when it comes to suicide and depression. Statements such as "oh if they just tried being happy or became more active they would feel better!" Make me insane. When I was younger and going through my first stages of depression it was always statements of ignorance such as "maybe she needs a new circle of friends, obviously they're a bad influence", or "you're not depressed you're too young to have gone through anything to be depressed", that always made me ball up my fists in hopes I wouldn't deck whosever mouth it spat out of. It's really quite simple, depression starts and ends in the brain. It's a chemical imbalance that the person suffering from cannot fix. Sure things I suppose can trigger depression in certain circumstances but it's not always that way. 40,000 Americans die every year by suicide, with depression being the leading cause for suicide.

Family units need to start taking this seriously. When I was diagnosed it was ignored. Treated as though it wasn't a real problem. My parents were 100% in denial but still worried. We have to be more attentive. We need to be on the lookout for warning signs. I remember when my parents found out I had been cutting myself that there was this whole big ordeal in which they blamed my best friend at the time and told me I could never hang out with her again. I was furious. Instead of trying to understand, I was punished and isolated. I don't blame my parents now but at the time it was awful. It wasn't my friends fault. It wasn't a cool fad to cut yourself. I wasn't trying to be "emo" or give into some kind of weird satanic peer pressure. I was a young teenager in pain, and pain makes you do strange and hurtful things. 

I know young people and even adults get tired of hearing things like "it gets better". Ask my dad that calls me every other day  or texts me those words every time I'm down, I get irritated and roll my eyes. But it does get better. It does. Maybe not rainbows and butterflies but it gets better.  If you're reading this and you feel hopeless and lost and depressed or suicidal, listen. I've been in your shoes. I've been there, barely hanging on, isolated, hating myself, wanting to end it all just to stop the pain. Depression is an evil trick, wanting to rip the rug out from under you. Don't let it win. You have a purpose in this life and if you give up now you may never know what greatness is in store for you. Jeremiah 29:11 is a great reminder! 

So I challenge you this October, if you see someone distraught or not acting like themselves, even if it's a stranger crying somewhere, take the time to check up on them and make sure they're okay. If they're okay with it, pray with them, if that makes then uncomfortable pray for them as you're walking away. Let them know that it gets better! Let's continue to destroy the stigma of depression and bring awareness to those battling. <3