Comments to Never Make to a Single Mom

I know we've all done it, I may have ignorantly made a comment under my breath as a youngster about how a parent couldn't handle their screaming child[ren] at the supermarket check out. I am now that parent. Our daily life tasks and to-do lists are difficult enough with kids yet we seemingly have to deal with ignorant comments from people that don't know or are unable to comprehend our actual struggles. Here are just a few that irk me:

1. The "oh my god my child will NEVER act like that in public!" I apologize for the fact that my child refused to take his nap today and decided to unleash his inner Emily Rose in aisle 2, but I also apologize for wishing inevitable karma on you as well. #sorrynotsorry

2. "I would never let my child talk to me that way!" Yes on occasion my 3 year old says shut up before he can catch himself. He also now thinks the biggest insult he can yell at me is "STOP IT MOMMY YOU'RE BEING WEIRD!" I'm a firm believer in spanking and other forms of reprimand however when your child has ADHD the way you react to impulsive behavior differs from a normal child's. In the end, it was handled.

3. "Don't worry, you'll meet a nice guy someday." Did I have a look of loneliness and misery written all over my face or something? It was probably from the 4 hours of sleep I got after my double shift and my toddler waking me up to red lipstick all over the living room carpet at 6 am. The last thing I need is to be raising is TWO male children. Thank you.

4. "Where is the child's father again?" If you're rude enough of a person to even ask this question you'd better prepare for the rude response I will unleash.

5. "Can't you just make him/her stop crying/screaming?" You're obviously not a parent so I'll just leave it at that.

6. "Why can't you just get a sitter?" This ones my favorite. I think single, non parents think it's the easiest thing in the world to just dial up a young teen with no life to drop their math homework to come relieve you for a night out on the town. I can't even always find someone to watch my son for me to go to work let alone anything else. So don't be alarmed when we snap at you with some sarcastic comment after RSVP'ing a 'no' to girls night. 

Sure I could come up with more but other than my anxiety levels that are already rising, what would be the fun in that? 😉 

Just remember - everyone's children are unique and some are dealing with unique instances. Not every parent believes in punishment. Some have kids with ADD, ADHD, Autism and others. So before you try and throw in your two cents, just remember you're not in our shoes. You may have been in the single mom shoes before but not with our specific child or children. So be gracious and be polite. 

Sincerely,

A Single Mom Thats Tired of Rude People

Depression Awareness Month

I saw a picture with a quote about depression on it the other day that really hit close to home. It said "The bravest thing I ever did was continuing my life when I wanted to die". Who knew that I would then find out it's also Depression Awareness Month? 

For those of you that don't actually know me (and those that think you do this may still come as a surprise) I have battled depression since I was 13. I can't exactly pinpoint a date or event in my life that triggered "becoming depressed", because that's just it. People think it's always a sad event in ones life or maybe just someone going through a hard time that leads to "depression" or what others believe depression is. Depression is such a vast term yet all of us going through it can really connect on the similarities. If you look up depression in a dictionary it can give you some odd definitions. It took me reading through the first couple definitions to find the one I'm talking about: Depression: a psychoneurotic or psychotic disorder marked especially by sadness, inactivity, difficulty in thinking and concentration, a significant increase or decrease in appetite and time spent sleeping, feelings of dejection and hopelessness, and sometimes suicidal tendencies. 

I get disgusted hearing and seeing posts on social networks being debated when it comes to suicide and depression. Statements such as "oh if they just tried being happy or became more active they would feel better!" Make me insane. When I was younger and going through my first stages of depression it was always statements of ignorance such as "maybe she needs a new circle of friends, obviously they're a bad influence", or "you're not depressed you're too young to have gone through anything to be depressed", that always made me ball up my fists in hopes I wouldn't deck whosever mouth it spat out of. It's really quite simple, depression starts and ends in the brain. It's a chemical imbalance that the person suffering from cannot fix. Sure things I suppose can trigger depression in certain circumstances but it's not always that way. 40,000 Americans die every year by suicide, with depression being the leading cause for suicide.

Family units need to start taking this seriously. When I was diagnosed it was ignored. Treated as though it wasn't a real problem. My parents were 100% in denial but still worried. We have to be more attentive. We need to be on the lookout for warning signs. I remember when my parents found out I had been cutting myself that there was this whole big ordeal in which they blamed my best friend at the time and told me I could never hang out with her again. I was furious. Instead of trying to understand, I was punished and isolated. I don't blame my parents now but at the time it was awful. It wasn't my friends fault. It wasn't a cool fad to cut yourself. I wasn't trying to be "emo" or give into some kind of weird satanic peer pressure. I was a young teenager in pain, and pain makes you do strange and hurtful things. 

I know young people and even adults get tired of hearing things like "it gets better". Ask my dad that calls me every other day  or texts me those words every time I'm down, I get irritated and roll my eyes. But it does get better. It does. Maybe not rainbows and butterflies but it gets better.  If you're reading this and you feel hopeless and lost and depressed or suicidal, listen. I've been in your shoes. I've been there, barely hanging on, isolated, hating myself, wanting to end it all just to stop the pain. Depression is an evil trick, wanting to rip the rug out from under you. Don't let it win. You have a purpose in this life and if you give up now you may never know what greatness is in store for you. Jeremiah 29:11 is a great reminder! 

So I challenge you this October, if you see someone distraught or not acting like themselves, even if it's a stranger crying somewhere, take the time to check up on them and make sure they're okay. If they're okay with it, pray with them, if that makes then uncomfortable pray for them as you're walking away. Let them know that it gets better! Let's continue to destroy the stigma of depression and bring awareness to those battling. <3

My Top 5 Favorite Summer Lipsticks

It's times like today I wonder why I ever detested lipsticks as a teenager. I was at that time lipgloss obsessed instead. Lipstick to me, meant you were an old lady trying to be cool. Insert laughing here. It wasn't until about 2-3 years ago that I really started to love lipstick, to an extreme almost. Beauty has slowly become my thing over the past year and a half and I have really started to love beautiful bold lips. If you're someone with minimal time to get ready in the morning lipstick can change everything and make you look completely pulled together ( even if you're not feeling that way ;) ) 

Summertime is perfect for brighter shades and taking a walk on the wild side with your lipstick! So here are some fun shades that I've listed as my top 5:

From top to bottom swatches:

1. NYX Butter Lipstick in 'Snowcap'

(Found at Ulta)

2. Milani lipstick in 'Fruit Punch'

(Found at CVS)

3. Milani lipstick in 'Flamingo Pose'

(CVS)

4. MAC Amplified Creme lipstick in 'Impassioned'

(Found at MAC Cosmetics or in Macy's)

5. NYX Butter Lipstick in 'Razzle'

(Ulta)

As you can see I prefer certain brands. Milani has amazing lipsticks with great color payoff and can be found at your local CVS drugstore. NYX butter lipsticks are fairly new but are often sold out due to their popularity as soon as they came out. They are sooo creamy and extremely pigmented! Then you have MAC, which is a higher end product and obviously more expensive, but worth the investment! 

What have been some of your favorite lipsticks this summer? Share in the comments below! :)

Until next time,

xoxo Rachel

Project: Me

These past couple of months I've been working on a project: me. This past year has brought a lot of change into my life. I think I've been through every emotion in the book! After months of wondering why my life seemed to always be heading downhill and feeling like nothing ever turned out right I made a horrible realization. With all that was going on in my life, I had put God on the back burner. My relationship with Christ was weak as I had practically shoved him aside for the past year or two. Sure I still believed, and claimed to still hold my Christian faith, but that is as far as it went for me. I was in horrible need of my savior and let my pride get in the way of acknowledging that fact.

What a horrible way to live-that is without Christ. I have friends that are firm in their faith and I also have friends that claim to not believe that such a God exists. The latter of the two absolutely breaks my heart. It hurts mostly to think that maybe if I had just been a little nicer or talked to them more about my Jesus, that maybe they would turn to him and accept him into their lives. However I am not naive, I know The Lord gave us free will and sometimes no matter how you lead the horse to water, it can still refuse to drink. I am still determined to become a light in the lives of others even if I lose some friends in the process.

Sometimes I think it takes a horrible instance in your life to humble yourself and break down. I had such a breakdown about two weeks ago when I felt my life heading in a downward spiral. For those who don't personally know me, I was working as a server up until a little over a month ago when some issues were going down at my job. I felt stuck. I was being overworked, underpaid (literally), and when I found out a few other things were going down there that did not sit well with my conscience I began to pray and really rethink my position. For moral reasons I walked out one night after my shift and never went back. I felt at the moment it was what I needed to do and since I was doing it for moral reasons and "the right reasons" I knew deep down that God had my back. Now, I would never suggest leaving a job unless you have another one lined up. I just firmly believe things can be circumstantial at times and when that happens seek out your faith and pray. After a few weeks went by I grew weary of job hunting and nothing turning out in my favor. I kept praying and asking God "if you are for me then why do all these people seem to be against me?" I felt as though my world was crumbling around me. I am 23 years old. I have no college degree, no money and a 3 year old to provide for. Ultimately I began to resent my decision to leave my job in moments of weakness. I began to question God and my conscience and now that I look back at how I questioned him, I feel ashamed. Every Christian or even non Christian will have their moments of disbelief even if it's only for a second. Unfortunately, it's human nature. Sometimes when things aren't going our way we blame him for not immediately coming to our rescue. We live in a world today that is all about instant gratification, and when our God doesn't immediately respond to our prayers, or fix our problems for us, we want to throw tantrums like a toddler. This brings me to a verse that has always been my favorite, especially in times I'm feeling negative and broken. 

Lamentations 3:28-30:

When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself, enter the silence, bow in prayer. Don't ask questions, wait for hope to appear. Don't hide from trouble, take it full-face. The "worst" is never the worst.

We all will get into ruts and have breakdowns, that's normal, if not necessary at times to cry or scream or express our pain. God is always listening. It took me a giant sized meltdown and then humbling myself in the middle of the night, when I could no longer sleep due to the stress, and crying out for Jesus. It's amazing how incredible and positive I felt the next morning. Time spent with God is never a waste. My mom always told me if you can't sleep at night that may just be God wanting your attention. I awoke feeling renewed and hopeful, something I hadn't felt in months. It didn't take long to feel some direction and with a lot of prayers from friends and family I slowly felt myself being pulled from my rut. I was blessed with a job offer at a great company come next week and I am looking into getting back to school. God can give you an amazing outlook on life f you let him work on your heart. It all just begins with a "Dear Jesus...". We're all a work in progress even those that seem to have it all together. I know I will continue to be a work in progress the rest of my life, and I'm happy with that. Stay tuned!

xoxo, Rachel

Mean Girls...er, Women.

Being a woman is hard. Okay, I take that back, being a FEMALE is hard. We live in a time where our fellow women would rather trip you in your new little Louboutins than give you a whole-hearted and genuine compliment. Why and when did women become so vicious and downright cruel? I've experienced my fair share of bullying growing up, but none of that has paled in comparison to the bullying I've experienced as an adult. 

I've read and researched the topic many times hoping to read some new information that could explain the reasoning behind it better, but I always read the same thing. Women who are jealous of you, want what you have, or feel threatened by you are most likely why you receive the backlash from said "mean girls", or should we call them, mean women? I've never really saw myself by any means as someone anyone should be envious of. I've had my fair share of blessings and my equal amount of downfalls, so I never accepted the jealousy excuse as to why certain girls were mean to me growing up. It's only been since I've been an adult that I've learned the bitter hard truth: some females are mean just to be mean. Psychiatrists can explain that that prior statement is untrue, blah blah blah but I believe it nonetheless. I'm sure jealousy, insecurity etc., can also play a role in why  women lash out or treat each other like dirt also, but I don't think that is the whole truth. Though I've been getting better at it lately, I've found myself through the years caught in jealousy over another female due to petty things like money, clothes, or even men, but I never once sought after them to tear them down or make life harder than it already is. My mind has never been able to wrap around the notion of how I've seen some women treated firsthand. 

I had a friend the end of high school that I started to get close to again come the beginning of my freshman year of college. We could hang out, laugh, and joke around, however I started to really notice that her "joking around" often got taken to whole other level, and usually at someone (me or another friend's) expense. Now don't think that I'm coming from a place where I believe I've never done any wrong that is far from the truth. I particularly when I was younger thought that everyone made fun of their friends in a joking manner, and after a close friend pulled me aside one night and told me that me and my other friends jokes felt more like jabs and was bothering her, I really began to realize maybe there is a point of taking it to far. Going back to the original story, I started really getting tired of being the punch line of jokes whatever they were at that moment and whenever she noticed that it upset me it was never her fault, and she often replied "don't take things so seriously, I'm just messing around cry baby". I think that was the final straw. It wasn't fun anymore being around her as the things she began to say and "joke around" about we're getting more and more mean and less and less funny. I basically just distanced myself from her and stopped hanging out with her and a few of our other friends for the time being. There were no hard feelings, I never once said anything to anyone about her in a negative light. I just kind of felt like I was maturing in a way and she wasn't and that was that.

I haven't had a real conversation with this person in years, other than the occasional 'hi' or 'how are you?' Yet I began to learn that she had randomly been bashing me behind my back via social networks and word of mouth. What could a girl I haven't talked to in a couple of years want with me? Given we live in a very small, rural area in Ohio where everyone is trying to constantly be in each others' business. I always thought it was particularly fascinating how the first people to judge you are ones that have no idea what you are going through or experiencing, they don't know who you are as a person or your heart, but for whatever reason one person says one bad untrue thing about you and it's game on. I've read what was said about me on social networks, everything from me being a terrible mother to my child being called the F word for no reason at all. I've been called a "whore", "bitch", and every other name in the book. It's sad when you feel like someone hates you, let alone for no reason other than to hate you. Why would you want to spread hate instead of radiating positivity?

I've dealt with and experienced enough hate and negativity in my 23 years than I ever care to experience again. I'm at a place in my life now that I shake off the bad and I am confident enough in the person I've become to not let foolish immaturity bring me down. I read a quote the other day that said, "If the words you spoke appeared on your skin would you be more careful about what you said?" That really grabbed my attention, as scary as the idea may seem I'd like to believe that everyone would watch their words more carefully. 

I guess my point to all of this is that life is hard enough without people trying to tear you apart. You never know what the person sitting beside you in class, or next to you in the subway is facing. Be kind to everyone. I've taken that to heart a lot lately, and I've been challenging myself more and more to uplift, encourage and portray positivity to whomever I come into contact with. I fall short, we all will, but it's the attempt that matters. So don't spread hurt, the worlds got enough of it, and if you don't think you can be nice, there's always "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." :)

xoxo Rachel

Book Review: Pride Over Pity

If you're someone who has watched the MTV series 16 & Pregnant [season 2] and  it's spinoff series Teen Mom 2, then you're familiar with the name Kailyn Lowry. What you don't see on camera in the wildly popular show is what made her the person you so easily critique on tv. 

The book starts off recollecting times in her youth and the shaky relationship she had with the only adult in her life: her mother. Kail opens her once closed-off world to her readers as she goes on to describe losing her virginity, the few significant relationships she had, and the night that changed her forever when she learned she would be a mother. 

(I don't want to have too many spoilers so this will be brief!)

This book is not for the closed-minded or heartless. Her story is incredibly sad and I won't lie, I cried multiple times. Coming from someone who had watched both shows in which Kailyn stars, she was never one of my favorites to watch as I tended to lean towards and favor young moms, Maci (from season 1) and Chelsea (season 2 and Kailyn's cast mate). Reading about her struggles and what brought her to where she is now has brought new perspectives of life I guess I never really considered. I could never imagine having experienced the things that she had to not only as a child but as an adult and believe she must be a very strong individual. I have a newfound respect for Kail after buying her book and though she'll never see this post, wish her the best with her family and her life.

I give this book a 7 out of 10. Not the best I've ever read, but definitely worth the buy and definitely worth reading, especially if you're a fan of the show! Pick it up and read it before Teen Mom 2's new season starts next week.

xoxo Rachel

Rules for Dating a Single Mom

Let's face it, dating doesn't always seem appealing to us single moms. We all have so much going on whether you have one child or more. Whether you're working 40+ hours a week, trying to catch up on the tenth load of laundry for the week, or cleaning up the lotion your toddler squirted into your newest candle from Bath and Body Works (yes this actually happened yesterday), our minds are usually a million different places and dating isn't always one of them.

Then, there are other times all you would like is for a decent looking man to take you out to dinner to forget all your tasks at home. 

When those times come it always makes me laugh thinking about how little single men really know about our lives as single mothers. The past few men to ask me on a date were under the hilarious impression that babysitters not only grow on trees but are cheaply compensated for their giving up a weekend night to watch our screaming children. The typical single man, like most businesses these days, also don't understand that parenting your child comes first. It's 6:55 pm, only seconds from your date picking you up and your child decides to puke down the front of your brand new dress from the department store. Sorry buddy, but I'm not leaving my sick kid, we'll have to try another night. 

So due to past experience and to kind of help future single men in the future I figured I would set up some do's and dont's for dating a single mom.

DO: Plan ahead. We're not talking weeks, or even a week, but asking a few days ahead of said date will allow us enough time to be prepared.

DON'T: Ask her what she's doing tonight, with the intention of a date. That gives us way too little time to book a sitter, map out what dress makes us look hot, but not too hot, and plan a friend to "accidentally" drop by/bump into us in case the date gets awkward.

DO: Ask her out in person or by phone. This shows effort that we will definitely appreciate.

DON'T: Send her a "whatchu doin tomorrow night? wanna go out?" No. The answer will be no. (The rare girls that will say yes to this I can already tell you will not be worth your time, but then again if you're the kind to shoot that text maybe ya'll are meant to be!)

DO: Pick her up at her house pre-date. It's not just about the old-school romantic notion, but we single moms sometimes (okay most of the time) are on a tight budget, and when we don't have to waste gas, we're happy.

DON'T: Ask her to meet you somewhere. TACKY. I don't care if you live an hour away, you asked her on the date knowing that. Be a gentleman!

DO: Open doors for us. This goes for all ladies, not just single moms! Every women likes a man that will open a door for you.

DON'T: Expect her to open the door for you. I mean, really? (Yes I've experienced this sadly enough.)

DO: Compliment her. And I don't mean by dropping your jaw and letting "daaaayum" slip out. We're okay with the jaw-drop but be a little more classy. Women in general love to hear "wow, you look amazing", especially after an exhausting day of cleaning up after a potty-training toddler, only to re-shower and get sufficiently dolled up for a date that may or may not go well. Hearing words like "beautiful", "pretty", and "incredible" when used to describe our looks after a draining day can make us feel great about ourselves!

DON'T: Sit there and talk about yourselves. If we ask a question about you that's one thing, a guy that talks about himself on a first or any date will just get you eye rolls and your number deleted from our phones.

DO: Ask her about her kids. We know you don't want details about how our child finally pooped on the potty or how we had to soak the carpet after little Johnny spilled kool-aid all over the new carpet. Most likely we will smile, talk about them a few moments and think you are a nice guy for asking. And if you are someone who genuinely cared to ask then congratulations, guys that like and are good with kids are HOT. Just sayin'.

DON'T: Ignore the kid topic. We have them, and you may not, so let's not awkwardly pretend we're both carefree souls that could runaway together as Bonnie and Clyde.

DO: Pay for the meal/movie whatever activity was for the date. I'm incredibly old school on that rule. I think there is nothing more rude than a girl leaning towards the bill and the guy allowing her to pay.

DON'T: Assume you're going halfsies. What is this, junior high?

DO: Be honest at the end of the night. If you weren't feeling good vibes on the date, say so. Don't by any means be mean about it like "yeah you're not what I thought sorry, bye." But this is the time you're allowed to text us what's up. If the date was awesome, let us know! If the date wasn't as fun as you thought it would be let us know, gently. We can take the truth. We don't want to waste our time anymore than you do.

DON'T: Tell us you'll call us later when you plan to never speak to us again. There are obvious reasons why we think "all men are jerks", so don't be one.

DO: Offer to pay the babysitter. It's not so much you're money in the matter as it shows a considerate side. Sitters don't come cheap these days, and some women might get uncomfortable with this notion, but I think it shows that you really wanted to be on this date, and the chances of you scoring a second, third, or fourth date just skyrocketed.

DON'T: Hit on the babysitter. No matter her age. (No. I have not personally experienced this, yes I have heard this from a friend).

Hopefully some of these tips will help for some smooth sailing. Some may even score you some brownie points. Single moms are tough cookies, and sometimes can be equally tough to impress. But don't let that discourage you from dating one, because sometimes all we want if for a nice guy to take us out to a meal we didn't have to prepare for screaming children :)