I've read and researched the topic many times hoping to read some new information that could explain the reasoning behind it better, but I always read the same thing. Women who are jealous of you, want what you have, or feel threatened by you are most likely why you receive the backlash from said "mean girls", or should we call them, mean women? I've never really saw myself by any means as someone anyone should be envious of. I've had my fair share of blessings and my equal amount of downfalls, so I never accepted the jealousy excuse as to why certain girls were mean to me growing up. It's only been since I've been an adult that I've learned the bitter hard truth: some females are mean just to be mean. Psychiatrists can explain that that prior statement is untrue, blah blah blah but I believe it nonetheless. I'm sure jealousy, insecurity etc., can also play a role in why women lash out or treat each other like dirt also, but I don't think that is the whole truth. Though I've been getting better at it lately, I've found myself through the years caught in jealousy over another female due to petty things like money, clothes, or even men, but I never once sought after them to tear them down or make life harder than it already is. My mind has never been able to wrap around the notion of how I've seen some women treated firsthand.
I had a friend the end of high school that I started to get close to again come the beginning of my freshman year of college. We could hang out, laugh, and joke around, however I started to really notice that her "joking around" often got taken to whole other level, and usually at someone (me or another friend's) expense. Now don't think that I'm coming from a place where I believe I've never done any wrong that is far from the truth. I particularly when I was younger thought that everyone made fun of their friends in a joking manner, and after a close friend pulled me aside one night and told me that me and my other friends jokes felt more like jabs and was bothering her, I really began to realize maybe there is a point of taking it to far. Going back to the original story, I started really getting tired of being the punch line of jokes whatever they were at that moment and whenever she noticed that it upset me it was never her fault, and she often replied "don't take things so seriously, I'm just messing around cry baby". I think that was the final straw. It wasn't fun anymore being around her as the things she began to say and "joke around" about we're getting more and more mean and less and less funny. I basically just distanced myself from her and stopped hanging out with her and a few of our other friends for the time being. There were no hard feelings, I never once said anything to anyone about her in a negative light. I just kind of felt like I was maturing in a way and she wasn't and that was that.
I haven't had a real conversation with this person in years, other than the occasional 'hi' or 'how are you?' Yet I began to learn that she had randomly been bashing me behind my back via social networks and word of mouth. What could a girl I haven't talked to in a couple of years want with me? Given we live in a very small, rural area in Ohio where everyone is trying to constantly be in each others' business. I always thought it was particularly fascinating how the first people to judge you are ones that have no idea what you are going through or experiencing, they don't know who you are as a person or your heart, but for whatever reason one person says one bad untrue thing about you and it's game on. I've read what was said about me on social networks, everything from me being a terrible mother to my child being called the F word for no reason at all. I've been called a "whore", "bitch", and every other name in the book. It's sad when you feel like someone hates you, let alone for no reason other than to hate you. Why would you want to spread hate instead of radiating positivity?
I've dealt with and experienced enough hate and negativity in my 23 years than I ever care to experience again. I'm at a place in my life now that I shake off the bad and I am confident enough in the person I've become to not let foolish immaturity bring me down. I read a quote the other day that said, "If the words you spoke appeared on your skin would you be more careful about what you said?" That really grabbed my attention, as scary as the idea may seem I'd like to believe that everyone would watch their words more carefully.
I guess my point to all of this is that life is hard enough without people trying to tear you apart. You never know what the person sitting beside you in class, or next to you in the subway is facing. Be kind to everyone. I've taken that to heart a lot lately, and I've been challenging myself more and more to uplift, encourage and portray positivity to whomever I come into contact with. I fall short, we all will, but it's the attempt that matters. So don't spread hurt, the worlds got enough of it, and if you don't think you can be nice, there's always "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." :)
xoxo Rachel
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